


What We Call Normal

by dofensphinx



Series: Purple Pants AU [2]
Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Ultimate Spider-Man (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bar/Pub, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Doomba, F/F, F/M, M/M, Purple Pants AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-24
Updated: 2014-05-24
Packaged: 2018-01-26 07:41:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1680248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dofensphinx/pseuds/dofensphinx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki just wants to spend time with his boyfriend, Doom wants to kill someone, Clint's an asshole, Wade may or may not have Cancer, Ava just wanted to get through school and Tony really wants a drink. The Life and Times of a Bunch of really messed up people.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What We Call Normal

**Author's Note:**

> Now that Victor is in New York, Loki has to prove to everyone that he’s real. As well introducing Victor to the complete nuttiness that has become his life.

Meeting Victor was a total accident, as much as meeting anyone online could be. Despite his incredible skills (according to him at least) with World of Warcraft, and his desire to never work with anyone else, he had been forced into a quest that required assistance. Being Victor instead of trying to find someone like a person with social skills he had gone around insulting and harassing people until he ran into Loki. Who had given it right back to him.

That had been five years ago, and now Doom was sitting next to him on the couch, yelling things that most people wouldn’t think of at the screen as they attempted to race the Rainbow Road. Because apparently Doom didn’t believe that any video game could be that difficult.

“Doom does not admit defeat against a mere road!” Victor roared, tossing the controlor in the general direction of Loki, “You may have thought that you found something that could best me, but you will not this day Trickster!”

“Yes I’ll buy dinner”, Loki flipped through the screens, in an attempt to find a road that Doom (and if he was totally honest with himself, which he never was, he as well), wouldn’t fall off of, “We’re going to the bar tonight anyways. You can show off the Doomba”

“Mm”, Doom tended to make noises when he was pleased, and apparently anything about the Doomba pleased him. The Little machine slide out from under the couch at it’s name and made a noise that Loki could have sworn was some kind of trumpet.

The door slammed into the wall, a noise that proceed the entrance of Thor every time. For whatever reason he had never figured out how to open a door properly and Tony had finally just made some kind of special door that Thor couldn’t break once a month. “BROTHER”

It took him a minute to realize there were two people staring at him, Loki with his constantly annoyed look and one very judging one. It wasn’t all that unusual to see Loki hanging out with someone, normally Amora or that bizarre Wade fellow. But there was two controllers out, Amora didn’t play video games and Wade always smelled like weed and tacos, so it wasn’t him.

After another moment of staring, Thor finally announced, “Loki, who is this?”

“Victor, Thor, Thor, Victor”, honestly Thor was probably just going to go with this, after he got over the shock of Victor actually being real.

Thor’s eyebrows went up to meet his hairline, looking between the man whose face he couldn’t even see and his brother, “You..Well…WELCOME VICTOR”

If Loki wasn’t such a bad person he would have warned Victor that Thor liked to hug. Everyone. Even strange men who were dating his brother and just appeared on his couch. Doom squirmed in Thor’s grip, but really Thor’s bearhugs were like an iron vice.

“RELEASE DOOM YOU FOOL, LOKI!”

“I AM SO PLEASED THAT MY BROTHER HAS FOUND SOMEONE AND THAT YOU ARE REAL”

“LET GO OF ME”

Loki smirked, leaning back to enjoy the show.

*

A few hours later and one annoyed Doom released from the iron grip of a large british man, they had made it to the bar. The bar was suppose to be a university bar, but really it had become more of a place where his brother’s weird friends hung out. Which might have been because the owner and the bartenders were some of Thor’s weird friends. But eh, Purple Pants was a good bar, despite that.

It would have been nicer if Victor wasn’t still glaring at him.

“I got you out as soon as I could didn’t I? And I’m going to buy you alcohol. And You get to show off the Doomba”, The machine beeped from the bar’s top, attempting to eat a napkin for some reason.

Victor continued to glare, “I have not yet received my drinks. Nor is there anyone to appreciate Doom’s brilliance”

Suddenly, in Loki’s experience most likely from the ceiling, Clint, the most annoying bartender ever, appeared, “Your brilliance is eating a napkin”

“The Doomba is programmed to clean. It is simply cleaning”

“Don’t you mean the Roomba?”

Doom pointed to the D clearly welded onto the R, making it Doomba instead, “Doomba. Patent pending”

Clint gave him a look that said, ‘You are completely out of your mind’, “So whose your weird friend Loki? Did you find him in the cancer ward again?”

Loki arched his eyebrow, “Lovely to see you too Clint, no clearly we didn’t come for drinks. And really I didn’t meet Wade in the Cancer Ward, he just happens to have cancer. Be more sensitive you douche”

“I am Mr Sensitive, I don’t even call Bucky the one armed bandit anymore”

“Because he punched you so hard that you couldn’t even use your hearing aids to hear for a week”, Loki tapped on the bar with one nail, “Drinks Clint, We’re in a bar and it’s your job to give us drinks”

Clint groaned leaning back on his heels, and pouted, “Fine, what do you want then? Nothing alcoholic of course because Loki is too good for drinnnking”

“Correct, the regular for me and a Hulk for Victor”

“Finnnne”

Victor glared at the man as he wandered away,”Doom finds the idiot displeasing”, he stroked his hand along the top of the Doomba, like he was trying to comfort the little robot, “We could have stayed in and done…”

“Something less annoying?” Loki smirked, licking his lips slightly, “Like continuing to see you lose at Mario Cart?”

“You rigged it” Victor accused, and Loki was sure that he could see the man’s lips curled into a sneer, “Isn’t that what you do Loki?”

“You aren’t mad when I do it to other people”

Clint slid, he never seemed to walk and Loki was sure if he looked behind that counter that he would see Clint’s socks, back with their drinks. Something horribly purple and green for Victor and a Soda for Loki.

“This is the Victor”, Clint stuck his finger in Loki’s face, nearly coming over the bar, “The fake one”

Loki rolled his eyes, leaning backwards so that he could actually see Clint, “Where the hell is Bruce? Isn’t he suppose to be keeping you in line?”

“Why does everyone doubt Doom’s existence”

All of a sudden Clint was pulled out of Loki’s face, instead of Natasha, Clint’s co-bartender or Bruce his boss, there was an athletic dark skinned girl yanking on his collar, “Thor called, he said if you, Ruin his precious little brother’s happiness that he will stick your bow up your ass so far that no one will be able to remove it”

“WAH!”  
The girl shoved Clint out of the way, leaning over the bar to hold her hand out, “I”m Ava, a waitress, Natasha isn’t in today so I’m in charge of Clint”

Loki raised his eyebrows, “Charmed?”

“Yeah well I just just saved your ass so you better be. Have fun”, Ava pulled Clint away, the man complaining the whole way about how it wasn’t fair that she was this strong.

“…Doom did not believe your tales of your life. Now I feel as though you were…attempting to turn down the insanity as to not make Doom believe you were lying”

“You have a Doomba. And you didn’t believe me”, Loki sipped his drink, trying not to look too disbelieving, “Really Victor I wonder about you sometimes”

“The Doomba is a miracle of Science. Also Doom’s personal assistant”

Loki spun around in his stool, deciding that people watching and trying to point a few people out to Victor was easier than dealing with his assumption that the Doomba wasn’t totally weird. There seemed to be most of the normal crowd there, besides a few younger looking people slipping in and out of the crowd carrying trays. He assumed they were Ava’s coworkers, apparently Bruce had finally decided Clint couldn’t do everything. No matter how much he claimed he was Hawkeye and could see all.

“The large blond man is Captain Steve Rogers. He runs the bakery where we’ll be getting breakfast tomorrow”, Loki mummered, pointing across the room to where the man was standing, a small bulldog laying at his feet.

Victor’s eyes went to the dog, “Animals are allowed in this establishment?”

“Clint is here isn’t he? It’s his service dog, not a completely horrible animal. It does tend to drool rather horribly”

“You know about these people, but you choose to stay away from them”, Victor looked pointedly around the area they were in, the side of the bar with only two seats, with Loki against the wall, “You are truly an observer”

Loki shrugged, “I like to know things about people, is that such a bad thing? The information could be useful later on after all, if I ever needed something from one of these people”

Victor simply took a sip of his vile coloured drink, before promptly spitting it out over the bar top. Loki nearly jumped out of his chair trying to find what had upset him, while the Doomba happily trumpeted (Loki was sure it was the noise from Talk Dirty to Me now), running itself over the mess.  
“WHAT THE HELL”

“Richards”


End file.
